Someone sent me one of your morbid martyrdom awards. When I read it I cried, because I saw how true it is. I’ve always been defensive about giving my kids better than what I had. Also about being the one person they could always depend on. I am tired of living my life through them. They need to grow up and be on their own. They are not handicapped, just lazy and happy to let good old mom fix everything.
They are both adults and I am ready now to have my house back. They and their dogs must go. Thank you for the time you spent with me on the phone. You helped me realize what I have been getting out of all of this. I get to be the gallant hero by continually rescuing them, from their dramas. I think every parent wants to be the hero in their children’s lives. Well okay when they are young.
This hero is going to rescue herself now and my adult children have 30 days to be gone before the locks are changed. Receiving this award from a secret someone woke me up somehow, even though my friends have told me to make my kids move and grow up for a long time.
Because you (The Anonymous Instigator) inspired me to tell the truth, I want you to know what happened when I told my kids they needed to move out. I handed them the 30 day contract you suggested and told them they needed to sign it and move out like the contract says. They got mad and started giving me excuses about how there is no way and made some personally attacking comments that I am too embarrassed to share.
This made me feel really mad at them and just as I was boiling over, I realized I was also mad at myself. This made me cry in frustration. But it was when I told them I realized I had always wanted to be their hero and be the hero I never had and cried like a baby that things really changed. Telling them that I’m tired and can’t go on and that I know I have to rescue myself now was true. They actually got tears in their eyes and I could see they cared about me and saw the truth.
As you said sometimes our good intentions become misdirected. I told them I saw all this in myself and how much I want them to build lives on their own that they can be super proud of. Then I left. I went to the park and walked. I felt very calm, clear and free for the first time in many years. I had let go because I told the truth not just about them but about me too.
Everyone was gone within 28 days, they even cleaned the carpets today as I asked them to in the contract because of their dogs. Last week I had lunch with three good friends and told them everything. I’m not sure who sent me your morbid martyrdom award. I think they all made a pact to never tell me, even though I am sure it was one of them. They are all so happy for me and you should be too. Thank you again for your time and help, for I am a mommy martyr no more! The truth can hurt like hell but it can also set you free.
footloose and fancy free in Utah